meaningless and easy or meaningful and overwhelming (dear mei)
Dear Mei,
I read your post re: the median of meaningful, and it really resonated with me and sparked some thoughts, so I wanted to share some of them.
I think it's absolutely wonderful that you're doing a job that you feel is important!!
I feel like so many people around me choose jobs based primarily on how much money it will earn, how prestigious it will make them appear, or how easy it will be, and don't give nearly enough weight to whether their work is actually making their community a better place to live. Even if it's exhausting and stressful, I hope that you continue your career journey down paths that feel meaningful to you.
This is something I've struggled with myself, having worked jobs with varying levels on the meaningful/neutral/harmful spectrum, the overworked/sustainable/bored spectrum, and the underpaid/overpaid spectrum.
Like I said earlier, what you wrote really resonated with me, especially the part about needing to choose between "easy but so so meaningless" and "far too meaningful, to the point of being overwhelming". This is a wall I keep running into -- it feels like the companies that are doing work that feels important expect unreasonable levels of commitment, and if I want to work somewhere that doesn't utterly monopolize my attention, there's a high probability the job won't really be helping the world, if it isn't actively harming it.
How do I find a job that makes the world better but doesn't require all of my time and energy?
Why, oh why, do I have to choose between working on something meaningful and having a life outside of work?
I have theories for what's causing this polarization and theories on how to reverse it. (Way out of scope of this post, but a teaser on how to make things better: humans over technology and small businesses over large corporations.) And like you, I think I've identified a path that strikes a better balance, a path that lets me work on something meaningful, while also nurturing the other dimensions of my messy, complicated, self. But for now, it's nice to know someone out there feels something similar.
I do want to give a word of caution. It sounds like being a teacher is largely a means to an end for you right now, and a difficult one at that. This approach is like fire -- an extraordinary useful tool when kept under control, but one that also has the capacity to burn and destroy. I've found, through painful experience, that one can only live with this "I'll do this until I get the things I need" mindset for so long.
It sounds like you have it under control for now, but I'd encourage you to set an "expiration date", and find something less exhausting if necessary. Regardless, I promise that any effort you spend teaching will be effort well spent. I come from a family of teachers (mom, grandmother, aunt), and I've seen first hand the "after hours" work they've toiled through, yet I've also seen the profound impact they've had on students. You're doing something meaningful, indeed.
Yours truly,
island_dude
P.S. I've never heard the expression "have my shoulders up by my ears" before. I assume this means really tense or stressed? This is a good one -- I'll have to add it to my collection.